


How the Mighty Have Fallen

by speakingofalice



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Hurt!Leo, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death, Prison, Psychological Torture, Reposted from Fanfiction, Seizures, Supernatural Elements, Torture, Villain is very villianous, Violence, What really happened on his training mission, references to the 2007 movie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingofalice/pseuds/speakingofalice
Summary: Now he's home but things have changed. His brothers are mad, furious even that he left for so long... but what if it wasn't his fault? What if he was taken and forced to endure the unthinkable while in the hands of his captors? His brothers don't know what happened, he doesn't want them to. He can't tell them his greatest failure.He was once so mighty...





	1. Forsaken

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first TMNT story I ever wrote and the people over at fanfiction.net seemed to enjoy it a few years ago so why not bring it over here? Here goes nothing... again.

He entered back into the Lair after his nightly run. Sweat dripped down his forehead stinging the creases of his eyes and soaking through his mask as he made his way through the newly cluttered living area.

 _Wasn't this messy when I left,_  Leonardo thought to himself lazily grabbing a glass from the wooden cupboard and filling it with cool water. Oh, how he loved the efficiency of cool, running water. After almost two years in the harsh jungles of Central America the small pleasantry made him smile.

After finishing his water with a sigh and a quick rub of his mouth to dry the excess water away, Leonardo placed the dirty glass into the almost full sink.

 _I'll clean that up later_ , he assured himself.

Leo grabbed an apple from a small pile on the table and headed for the dojo planning to squeeze in some peaceful mediation. As he passed the couch he peered over and sighed at his orange banded baby brother, fast asleep, clutching the newest edition of Justice Force tightly in his hands.

Carefully, Leo tiptoed around the couch to a nearby blanket. In one swift motion Michelangelo was covered and warm. He gazed down at his littlest brother with soft eyes. A guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach made him grimace and frown slightly.

Two years. Two years he had been gone. To his brothers it must have been a long two years but to Leonardo those two years were an eternity. An eternity of literal Hell.

The peaceful look on Michelangelo's face almost made Leo forget the coldness that the youngest had shown towards him while in consciousness. The orange banded turtle was still apprehensive to Leo in the weeks that he had been home. Forever reminding him that he had been gone for not months as their Master had originally planned but years.

When first arriving home Mike had been giddy with his brother's return. Even going so far as to ask if this was all a dream because it must've been a dream to him. Leonardo couldn't finally be home, safe and sound. But then Leo had assured him, yes he was home. No, it want a dream. Then when fighting the Stone Generals any thoughts the youngest might have had of betrayal from his oldest brother for leaving for so long had been all but forgotten. But now, weeks later, they were starting to appear again. No longer could Mikey pretend that he was okay with his older brother's absence. No longer could he pretend that Leonardo leaving hadn't scarred him and scared him and brought on a new hardness to him.

After all, Michelangelo often thought, Leonardo didn't even write after the first six months. Not even one letter...

But the young jokester didn't know of the horrors the oldest faced while in that Jungle.

Leonardo lightly touched his shoulder as a flashback slowly dimmed his vision.

No, he thought to himself. Not now. Not in front of a sleeping Mikey. Slowly Leo stumbled behind the couch back facing the door. Softly he leaned against the back of the couch and screwed his eyes shut willing himself to forget the tortures he had faced in that horrible, horrible jungle.

Deep breath, he told himself, keep calm. Don't break now. He thought he was getting better at controlling his flashbacks.

Leonardo visibly tensed as he felt a presence enter the living area.

"Leo?" Came a calm voice. The oldest turned around to see Donatello with grease on his hands and dark tinted goggles on his forehead looking at him then eyeing the sleeping form of Mikey with a questioning look. A bead of sweat dripped down Leo's forehead as he forced himself to calm down and take a step away from his youngest brother.

"You know we don't need you always looking after us. We're big turtles now." The purple banded turtle looked at Leo with hard eyes. Leonardo nodded slowly and looked away gripping his apple tightly in his hand.

The same bitterness that was plaguing Michelangelo was also inside Donatello. It seemed that all of his brothers actually had been hard and cold to him in these long weeks since his return… Raph, though, was by far the kindest in his bitterness. The Stone generals had softened him some but Raphael still held some anger towards his older brother for leaving for so long with no word on how he was nor if he missed them.. No letters, no words… Nothing at all.

"Yeah" was the eldest's only answer as he swiftly left his two brothers. All thoughts of meditation gone as the last of his small amount of energy was used up trying to fight off his flashback and hold his tongue in front of his brother.

The once mighty Leonardo climbed the stairs one at a time. Normally he would just jump to the second level or take the stares two or three at once but Leonardo was still recovering. After all, a year of continuous torture, mind numbing drugs and sedative did leave lingering effects.

Don rolled his eyes and continued back to a waiting Raphael and garage; they had both been working all night. Donny had just needed to grab a spar part from his lab.

As the purple ninja made his way to the elevator he couldn't help himself from thinking of the strange way Leonardo seemed to move since coming home. He walked always silently and swiftly but when he sat or moved a certain way it always looked like he was stiff, as if he was in pain. The boldness his brother once had when he walked was gone almost completely. He traveled suspiciously always looking over his shoulder for unseen foes. His eyes never stopped moving when, on the off chance, they were aloud topside.

His eyes are what the brainy turtle noticed the most upon his leaders return. They once held a golden flame that brightened them and seemed to roar inside of the leader. But now the golden glint of fire was gone. His eyes seemed dull. It seemed Leonardo's brash boldness was all but gone…

The weight and muscle loss had been more than evident to the medic turtle when he first laid eyes on his brother. Not only did it look as if Leonardo had been starved for a time but also the complete deduction of muscle mass in the oldest turtles body was more than worry some. When asked about it all Fearless Leader had to say was, "yeah, that's what happens when you only eat jungle fruit for a long time" he said it in a small voice and the brotherly instinct in the back of Donatello's mind told him Leo was lying. But, like the brainy turtle seemed to do a lot lately he just brushed it off. Don had tried to talk to Leo about his health in the days of his return but all the purple banded turtle got back was small one word answers or Leonardo would just brush him off completely. Don was downright sick of it.

The one thing, though, that Don couldn't forget and didn't escape his notice was the complete distain to physical touch his brother had. Even when arriving home Don could feel how tense Leo was when he had given him a one armed hug. Then when Mikey almost tackled him to the floor Donnie could see the pure terror in his brother's eyes.

At the time it didn't seem that important but now that everything had winded down and the shock of homecoming and the winters incident was over all the subtle differences in his big brother were becoming blatantly apparent. Still though the genies turtle put on a hard face in front of his bro because that was the only way he knew to show him how hurt he really was. Someday maybe the purple turtle would forgive his brother for leaving for two long years but that day wasn't today and it wasn't tomorrow and it certainly wasn't the day after that. Leonardo never even wrote to them like he had promised he would. He still loved his brother but it seemed like lately the anger he had built up for so long in his absence was slowly coming out.

Swiftly Don exited the elevator and walked towards an even greasier Raphael who was standing behind the hood of their supped up armored truck the brothers had christened the Battle Shell years ago.

"Here Raph" Don said handing him the missing piece. Raph grunted in response.

"Try to turn 'er on now Donnie," Came his rough voice as he placed the piece inside the engine.

Carefully Don turned the keys to start the Battle Shell up. It purred nicely for a minute before a loud POP! and then a row of curses from Raph lit up the garage. The Battle Shell sputtered then died all together and sat in a smoking mess.

"Dammit!" yelled Raph hitting the engine block only to have it explode in a geyser of tar and oil. "Are you kidding me!?" The hothead screamed before grabbing an already soiled towel and wiping himself off.

Don stifled a chuckle. This was going to be a long night.


	2. The Death of Prey

_1 year and 6 months ago..._

They chased him and he ran. With all his might he ran and didn't look back.

The jungle vines flew past, tree roots nipped at his feet and the harsh sun licked at his dark green features as he sped through the hot jungle trying to escape.

 _Stupid stupid stupid_  he thought to himself as he staggered slightly tripping on an exposed root.  _Ishould've seen them coming, should've been more alert._

Gun shots rang through the air as the blue banded turtle wound around a thicket of trees. He sensed a bullet whistling for the back of his head a second before he dipped to the side. The sounds of splintering wood echoed through the heavy air.

Leonardo settled for only a moment to sag against the split tree trying to catch his breath in order to regain enough energy to continue running.

The young leader had seen the men chasing him before. They were hunters and thieves who thrived in the small villages around the place in the forest Leonardo had called home. Leo had seen these men take away many a villager claiming them as being 'wanted for criminal acts.' In actuality it was those men who were the criminals. Taking away sons from mothers and fathers from families in an attempt to gain money from local Militia for supplying them with soldiers.

No villager ever fought against these men, they were too frightened. Too many times they witnessed the gruesome ends the brave ones faced when they foolishly attempted to fight back; decapitation, set in front of a firing squad on the walls of the villages church, and just outright shot in front of God and their families. These were only some of the horrible punishments Leonardo had seen while watching from his perch in the trees.

It was men like these that made Leo happy he had recently become what the villagers downed the 'Ghost of the Jungle.' The young leader had made it his job to protect the innocent people in the small villages. He had foiled many a plot and killed many a murderer. He killed them before they could kill another innocent person…before they could kill _him_.

_If a turtle kills a murderer does that make him a murderer?_

From the relieved faces of the poor villagers he had saved he sure hoped not.

Wearing a long dirty hooded disguise covering his twin katanas and green calloused skin Leonardo single-handedly protected many villages.

Perhaps that was why he now was being chased like a dog through the jungle.

Leonardo cursed to himself as he fished out a letter from his belt and tore it up. He had planned on sending the letter to his brothers and Sensei. But right now he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. For whatever reason he did not feel as though he was going to escape this chase. Better destroy any evidence of his small family than have these men find his note. Hell, it even had April and Casey's specific address written in curved cursive on the outside.

The men had caught Leonardo unawares while he was heading to a local village in disguise to mail his letter. The group of men had spotted the turtle and attacked before he had even realized what was happening.

At the time the turtle had been day dreaming of the family he knew were waiting for him at home in New York City. It had been 6 long months and he was ready leave. His training period had ended a few days ago, he was just thinking of how wonderful it would be to step off that plane when he arrived home. Maybe Mikey would make him his favorite food. Maybe Donnie would help bring him up to date on all the new technology he had missed during his 6 month stay in the jungle. Maybe Raph would spar with him so Leo could show the hothead all the new moves he had learned. Maybe Master Splinter would meditate with him.

How happy he would be to see his family again.

Leonardo had planned to leave the harsh jungles of Central America in a week...

Forcing his sore and tired legs to move he ran on frantically hearing deep Spanish voices and the rumbleing of a car following after him.

_Gotta make it back to my hide out, if I get there I'm safe._

Quickly the young leader rounded another tree to head west towards the makeshift home he had housed himself in for the past 6 months. He was close, he could tell by the familiar way the trees bent and the vines spread. Half a mile and he would be hidden in the deep underbrush of his home.

In his mad dash he chanced a glance behind him and saw four large Spanish men with semi automatics driving a battered jeep. One of the men whooped and screamed something Leo knew not before he fired his gun at the turtle. Swiftly the ninja inside Leonardo dodged the spray of bullets. Sweat ran down his brow, the pain of running through dense jungle seeped into his body but still he drew himself closer to safety.

By the time he laid eyes on his home he was gasping for breath and growing dizzy. Maybe if he had been a little faster or maybe even a little slower the bullet that flew into his shoulder might have missed.

The sudden jerk of his arm and the fire that engulfed his whole body made him stumble on yet another unseen root.

Then, the mighty leader fell, panting, face first onto the leafy jungle floor. He bit his tongue and closed his eyes as his body was racked with a spasm he would later find out to be the first of many agonizing seizures…

His limbs shot out uncontrollably, erratically. Horror seized his mind.

_What the hell is happening?_

As quick as they came the first seizer stopped. Leonardo laid there gasping for breath.

Fowl smelling men with unshaven dirty faces and guns adorning their hands surrounded the injured turtle. One man in particular came forward to lightly touch him with his muddy boot.

Leonardo's eyes snapped open, he growled before jumping to his feet to attack the man. He never even got the chance to unsheath his twin katanas. For as he jumped he felt a wave of dizziness wash over him threatening his vision. Before he could attack the man another bullet was fired from point blank range into his right thigh.

Leonardo's world exploded in pain, the bullet tore through the flesh in his leg. Crying out then falling heavenly to the ground Leonardo moaned. Not only was his vision darkening around the edges but the fire that had engulfed his body had now turned into an inferno.

Thus, Leonardo laid there. As God as his whiteness he laid and waited. Unable to move any part of his aching body as blood started to pool around him until is it soaked into the dirt. He could feel the crimson liquid seep out of his shoulder and leg. He could literally feel the life being drained out of him.

It's funny; they say when people die their life flashes before them in torrents of memories. They say you see a bright light and feel the sweet sensation of warmth and protection. They say you either follow that light or fall into a deep abyss of fire and brimstone. If your one of the chosen they say that you hear the whispers of the angles. You are supposed to feel cherished and peaceful.

Leonardo felt nothing of the sort. He felt cold. He felt alone. He felt beaten, torn, denied, weakened and injured.

For the first time in a long time he felt like the teenager he was and not the leader he was supposed to be.

He tried to remember who he was. He tried his  _damnedest_ to remember his honor.

He forced his mind to focus on the people he loved; Master Splinter, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo, April, Casey and so many more his foggy brain couldn't recall their names.

The four men around the turtle came in and out of focus again and again. He struggled to keep his eyes open.

He was the oldest. He was supposed to be swift and bold and rock steady.

At the moment, though, he did not feel powerful nor brave, he felt like a child.

It wasn't supposed to end this way. He was supposed to die defending one of his brothers or friends. He was supposed to die in the arms of his father with… with his family, in his home. He was supposed to grow old with his brothers. He was supposed to defend his family to the bitter end.

For the first time the mighty Leonardo felt fear. He was about to die the death of prey.

 _Leonardo, my son, please stay focused_  Splinters voice whispered into his ear.

 _Bro come on you can_ not _die like this! Whose gonna protect me from my nightmares? Who's gonna listen to my stories? Who will I go to when Raphie-boy's tryin' to kill me?_  Michelangelos smile filled his head.

 _Come on Leo. Just keep your eye open, that's right, stay alert. Focus on us bro. Come on… concentrate Leo._ Donatellos grin swam through his muddled thoughts.

 _Don' you dare die on me Fearless. Yer our damn leader for Christ sake! If you die I swear I'll fucking kill ya Leonardo._  Raphael's playful smirk brushed against the leaders mind.

The men stared down at the dying turtle. None of them seemed fazed by the fact this creature was not human. They just wanted their money.

Suddenly the men parted to let a tall expensive looking man with red fiery hair and cold blue eyes through. He looked American and wore a pair of nice cargo pants with a black long sleeved jacket adorning his shoulders. The cold eyed man squatted down and smiled at the young turtle.

Leonardo focused hard on the strangely familiar man. Even through his concentration he couldn't fight his slowly closing eye lids. His mind grew too foggy to focus as blood loss and exhaustion slowly caused his body to shut down. Determined to not show him his fear the young leader met the ice blue eyes of the strange man.

A smile spread a crossed the man's face as he looked at the beaten turtle.

"Oh Leonardo," he grinned, "how the mighty have fallen." With that the young ninjas head lulled to the side as he lost his battle with consciousness and was plunged into darkness.

The man with red hair and blue eyes, Patrick Hansen, chuckled lowly before standing back up. He turned to his subordinates in fluent Spanish he said, "Pick him up carefully, and take him to the facility. See that his wounds are tended to and make sure he survives. If he doesn't, I promise you there will be hell to pay. After you are finished you will get your money" he growled out the last part before swiftly walking away from the men and getting into his car. Wickedly he grinned to himself. In truth he wasn't planning on paying the thieves and murderers he had recruited to capture the turtle. He had only needed expendables, men who wouldn't be missed. Those fools would all be dead before they even got the chance to be handed their blood money.

Quickly he turned the engine of his car on. As he drove off through the dense jungle he dialed his bosses' number.

 _Idiots_ , Hanson thought,  _I wanted the turtle injured not on the verge of death!_  To be quite honest Hanson was far from worried as he pulled out of the jungle and onto a dirt road that ran from one village to the next. He knew the scientists at the facility would not let the turtle die. Leonardo was too precious a creature to let die such a meaningless death.

"This better be good" a voice on the other line grunted, annoyed.

"We have him Sir" Hansen smiled to himself.

"Wonderful" the menacing voice on the other end purred before the line went dead and Hansen flipped the phone shut.

The fun was about to begin.


	3. Of Sins and Secrets

Sweat drenched Leonardo's body and bed. He tossed and turned feverishly trying to rid himself of his current nightmare or, as he liked to call it; his Night Horrors. That is what they were: horror filled flashbacks of his time in captivity.

He whispered hoarsely in his sleep trying to expel the monsters that devoured his dreams. The monsters that he persisted on chasing away when ever he was in full control of his mind and imagination.

His heart raced as he gripped the sides of the small bed. It felt like they were trying to kill him again.

He could feel the needles piecing his skin, the knifes slicing away at his raw flesh, the bruises from blunt objects when he had tried to escape the confines of his small cell. He could feel his joints popping one by one. His brain twitched when the all too familiar tingle of numbing electricity spit down into his arms and legs from the chip they implanted in his head. It was a painful reminder the he was and always will be  _theirs_.

He could feel his limbs move erratically and uncontrollably as his seizures racked his body unnoticed and unattended by the guards that watched over him.

It was all real. It was all happening again.

He could see her face again. Both of their faces appeared sharply in his mind but for some unknown reason his nightmare ravaged mind chose only the younger girl to anguish the leaders mind tonight.

He could see her small baby face surrounded by blonde curls that flowed down her petite shoulders. Her eyes, deep blue like that of moonlight shining down into a lagoon stared into his soul laughing at him. He could see her small hand being encased by his large rough hand as he told her she would be ok. He could hear her innocent high pitched laugh as he told her stories of his prankster brothers while trying to pass the time in their imprisonment. He could see her baby teeth as she smiled and sunk deeper into his protective body...

He could hear her gruesome scream that turned his blood to ice. He could hear her shriek as they tortured her. She was only a child, only a little girl.

She was... _No_ …  _No_... _NO_!

With a jolt Leonardo catapulted himself up and onto the floor next to his bed then crouched into a ready position, ready to attack an unseen foe.

The minute he crouched he knew he was being stupid; there were no enemies in his home… in his room.

He was alone.

Yet still his heart hammered in his chest and his limbs twitched with sympathy pain from long ago tortures.

 _Stop this Leo, get yourself together_. He whispered to himself trying to get his breathing under control.  _Just breathe… Just breathe._

Slowly he eased himself down to sit on his bed. He was shaking as he cupped his hands to his head trying to dispel the memories.

He gingerly fingered the small dump on the back of his bald head that housed the chip. He couldn't take it out, lord knows he had tried. He had attempted to rid himself of that horrid piece of metal that caused him so much pain when he had first escaped the prison but to no avail. The chip was latched tight to his brain. Nothing short of brain surgery would get the damned thing out. Don could do it, maybe. But Leo wasn't about to go rushing to Donatello divulging his secrets to the brainy turtle just to get rid of the miniature bump on the back of his head. If he placed the knot of his blue mask tails just right the minor bump would go unnoticed, as it had to his brothers and Sensei since his return.

After all, it hadn't hurt him since his escape so, in Leo's mind, all was good.

It took ten minutes of telling himself to breath and then forcing himself to calm down that he finally did. His joints ached and his stomach gave an agonizing twist. Before he knew what he was doing his legs swiftly carried him out of his small room and down the hall to the bathroom. He immediately slammed the door shut and locked it before falling to the cold tiles on the floor of their large bathroom.

He had just fumbled the porcelain toilet seat up when he felt the bile coming up his throat. His body started trembling as he retched. Everything he had eaten in the past day was seen once more in the toilet as he threw up.

He gripped the sides of the seat so hard his knuckles turned an off shade of white and yellow.

After he was finished he laid back on his side facing the door trying to regain himself. He put his aching head on the cool tile trying to numb it.

Leonardo was used to this by now. Used to having horrible flashbacks or, in tonight's case; a Night Horrors then throwing up everything he had.

 _This isnt even the worst part_ , he thought,  _that has yet to come_.

This was the second time this week and it was only Wednesday or maybe it was Thursday already. He hadn't glanced at the clock before his mad dash to the bathroom. He had only been home a short while yet this occurrence had happened almost twenty times. It was all becoming a horrible tradition.

Three knocks at the door startled him. Leos head jerked up from the cool tile slightly. He was confused. None of his brothers had ever heard his nightmarish whispers or heard him running to the bathroom to retch. Either they truly never heard him or they did and generally didn't care.

"Yo! Fearless you 'aite?" Came Raphael's gruff and groggy voice from outside the door wondering if he was alright.

No, in truth he was  _not_  alright, hadn't been alright in years it felt like but Raphael didnt need to know that.

He, Leonardo, had already put enough worry into the red turtle when he hadn't come home after six months.

Clearing his throat still laying on his side he spoke in the clearest voice he could muster. "Yes Raphael, I'm fine. You can go back to bed." Leo had to admit he almost believed himself with the strong voice he managed to pull.

The handle of the door jiggled but stayed locked as Raph once again pounded the door.

"Ya don't sound fine ta me. Let me in Leo. Lemme look at 'cha." He again wiggled the doorknob.

Leo mentally groaned and took a deep breath. Come hell or high water (which living in the sewer was extremely possible) he was  _not_  going to open that door. He would not let Raph to see him weak and sprawled out of the bathroom floor with bile still in the unflushed toilet.

Instead Leonardo said nothing to his inpatient brother. He only prayed to whatever god there was out there that he didn't have a seizer right here on the floor in front of his still-ignorant-to-his-illness brother.

But praying was fruitless because he already knew how these nights went. After being sick he would always make his way back to his room managing to fall onto bed before a fit hit him.

Never had his brothers or sensei heard him convulsing in his room. Never had he wanted them to. He didn't want their worry nor their sympathy. He just wanted to suffer in silence...

It was the least he could do as punishment to himself to atone for what they had done – no, what  _he_  had done - to that little girl...

"Damn it Leo! Open this God damned door NOW!" It must be very early in the morning because Raph was only this short-tempered from being awoken in the wee hours of the day.

He felt it then; the tightness in his chest, the room starting to spin. Leonardo felt himself begin to move in slow motion. He couldn't stop it. It was happening as it had happened almost a hundred times before.

 _No! Not in front of Raph. Not in front of Raph_!

The pain that was ever constant in his body flared up again as he tried to control his shaking body. Gruffly he called out one last plea for Raph to leave him alone, that he was fine.

"The hell you are!" The hothead yelled but Leonardo barely heard it over his own misery. His eyes were closed, his head beat back and forth before bashing against the ground with a sickening thud. Stars exploded in Leonardo's eyes as he whimpered.

He was thankful though, for he had already suffered a major seizure during his sewer run the night before so he knew that this attack would only last a few minutes at most.

True to form his thrashing body slowed after a minute.

Slowly Leonardo came back into the world panting. He had a painful headache and he felt nauseous but he was fully aware of where he was and the jingling of the door knob.

Raph was breaking into the bathroom.

Leo took three calming breaths that did little to ease his splitting head ache. He felt horrible but he had to admit this wasn't the worst pain he'd ever felt. Hell, the fit in the sewer yesterday was worse than this. Without warning the red banded turtle jimmied the door opened and burst open with Michelangelo hot on his heels.

"Leo!" They both gasped looking at him sweating and shaking on the tiled floor. They raced over to him all the malice both harbored towards him forgotten.

Mike made to gently lift Leo's head onto his lap as he sat behind him.

Leonardo gasped as soon as Mikey touched his head.

"D-don't!" He rasped, "P-please m-m-mike. Don't touch m-me." He didn't mean to be so harsh but he knew from experience that anyone touching any part of him after a fit like that would send torrents of agony a crossed his body. He was extra sensitive until five minutes after an attack and every touch, even that of affection would be painful.

This lesson had been learned the hard way after a guard tried to tend to him after a particularly bad fit.

Mike took a step back but Raph stepped closer.

"What the shell was that?" He threw up is hands in an exaggerated gesture.

Leo cleared his throat and attempted to sit himself up. His whole body felt like he had just gotten done with a day of hard Katas. His muscles felt abused and tired, his brain foggy. Usually around this time he would nestle down into bed to try to sleep off the effects of the sickness, nightmare and seizure but now he had to deal with his only-concerned-about-him-when-he's-sick brothers.

Leonardo took a deep shaky breath, "I'm fine guys, just a little sick or something."

With all the strength he had left the leader started to get to his feet. As he righted himself the world seemed to tilt and his legs turned to jello. He would have fallen if it had not been for Raphael standing so close. As soon as the red banded turtle grabbed him Leo groaned. The rough contact on his sensitive skin felt more like knives driving into his arms rather than his hot headed brother helping steady him. He knew already the places his brother touched on his right arm and around his plastron would leave deep bruising.

The long term after effects of the drug his captures liked to use, Leo suspected. They always did love torturing him...

Immediately Raph loosened his grip on Leo but only slightly. He still held his elder brother close.

He was surprised at how light his brother was. He could hold him easy with probably just one arm if need be. He noticed his brother was shaking slightly and looked exhausted. His skin felt clammy and took to a pale green color.

That scared the red turtle.

Michelangelo moved forward to get into Leo's face; he was silent but determined looking.

"Leo," he began all lightheartedness gone from his voice. Leonardo frowned inwardly. "What the shell is going on bro?" Mikey looked him right in the eye his serious tone made Leo shiver involuntarily. He wasn't used to this side of Mike.

No, he couldn't tell his brothers what was happening. He couldn't tell them of the months he'd spent in a cell with other people, other children, who were human yet 'special' like himself. He could not make his dry mouth move to form the words that would explain his long term absence to his brothers. He could not say their names out loud, he could barely think their names without sobbing uncontrollably. He couldn't let his brother know of the two girls; one a teenager like him and one just a child, that he couldn't save...

That he watched die...

No. He would never tell his brothers about his time in Central America. If he did then all the pain, all the heartache, all the thoughts of those two girls would come back to him in a torrent of shame and self loathing and defeat...

He wouldn't let that happen, he could  _not_  let that happen.

He wouldn't admit to his brothers that he had been bested, defeated, confined, tortured.

He had been shown fear and lost part of himself...

He couldn't go through all that again.

"Nothing is happening" he lied to his youngest brother tiredly.

"You're lying Leonardo," Mike accused hate radiating from his eyes.

"Bro," began Raph "We just want to help ya."

Leo looked at Raph then to Mike. Slowly he stood to his full height pulling himself free from his second in command.

Still shaking and clearly exhausted Leo held his head as high as his abused body could handle.

In the clearest voice he could muster he said, "I don't need your help" then with heavy feet he swallowed his nausea and walked from the cold bathroom.

As he passed through the doorway into the hall he spotted Donatello standing just outside the bathroom a sullen look on his face. Leo glanced at him and frowned then continued on his way.

He had to concentrate hard on every step, trying not to fall and pass out in the hallway. He made it to his room before softly closing the door behind him. In one ungraceful motion the leader fell in a heap on his bed. Leonardo was asleep before his head even hit the pillow.


End file.
